life as a burnt stump

A romantic view of the world. This is a bedrock for me. Even if the world is just a

coincidental conspiring of chemicals and vibrating atoms that happened to produce life

and life at scale at that - what is the nature of the conspiracy? What are the whispers in

the substrate of our universe? I hear them sometimes. Deep in meditation. On the

mountaintop, wind in my ears. They always sound like love. A deep, embodied love. My

heart swells up. It enlarges. It overcomes me and I can't help but scream. ITS ALL LOVE.

This is the entanglement I find myself in.

I don't want to speak of practical things. They are useless and pass in the wind. They no

longer catch my imagination. This is a handicap for me. I'm separated from kin and those

who I work with. Speak to me of fire and of depths. Of light and pain. What - or better,

who - are they?

To write and write ceaselessly. What is the value of a word or a phrase? What itch does it

calm besides the itch to feel like a self. To feel as though I am something. I am nothing

discrete. I am the continuation of an ancestral pattern. I am not my feelings. Those rise

and fall with the tide, passing daily. I am not my thoughts, those seem even more elusive

than my feelings and sound just like everyone else. I am not my cells, they replace

themselves every decade or so. The bounds of myself are my senses - touch, sight,

smell, etc... Through these things I filter the entire universe. The universe is compressed

into a small section of the audio-visual spectrum that I have a physical proclivity to

understand. How ignorant would I be to assume I am experiencing truth! My experiences

are the most misleading thing I could follow - yet they are the lush green field in which

this pattern of self is expressed. This pattern named Joe.

The past is particles and the future is waves. Locked in a covenant named time. Who are

the promise keepers - if life is emergent of computation who is the great Simulator? If life

was set in motion by the Trinity and lady wisdom - who is Yahweh? Why did He choose to

represent Himself to us in a book? A man made thing that is usually full of fallacy. If there

are a pantheon of spiritual forces transforming particles to life, what clues would they

have left about their nature? And most grotesque of all - what if this is a galactic mishap?

The happenstance of atomic vibration and evolutionary forces and our purpose is to

spread and maintain the light of consciousness. Rage rage at the dying of the light.

I'm not frightened by these questions. Each one helps me loosen my grip, widen my

aperture. This cosmic dance is full of assumptions. We must name every axiom and

conjecture to even see three feet in front of us. Is it all hopeless? No. No. No because I

have a fire in me. There's something else. There's more to infinity than what the

mathematicians say. It has always been a flawed concept, in the same way human

worldviews are flawed.

I accept my inherited pattern and choose to steward the fire. May it lead me to deep

places and may I be willing to leave sanity at the door if that is the cost.

Praise God.

Now for some serious thinking - I'm letting the child in me go dance somewhere else

while the adult focuses - accurate self-replication of living cells is an incredible challenge

and seems to function in a categorically different way than the reproduction of a living

system. This is a cold start problem that makes fools of modern chemists. I'm not

compelled by modern archeological attempts at explaining our past - there are axiomatic

assumptions that things have always been as they are lying at the root of carbon dating

and common conjecture processes. I'm unwilling to digest that. The world and universe

changes. Everything changes. Archeology becomes a social science full of human-centric

diagnoses the moment you step away from the measurement tools. Physics has been at a

stand still for decades over the relationship between quantum mechanics and spacetime.

Sure there are more layers to these theories than ever before and some profound

implications, but the methods of reproducing the experiments that lead us to lofty

thoughts are not worth building a life on. To avoid coming across as a crotchety cynic, I

do see modern physics as beautiful. The questions of entanglement, consciousness

collapsing the wave function, and the computationally holographic nature of reality

rendered within the observer create dramas of religious scale within me that I am grateful

for. If I am not to understand these things, at least I will be woo'd by them. There is

nothing more erotic than mystery.

So, where to stand in the meantime? What to make of this time I've been given. If one can

consider it a gift. Perhaps I am a multi-dimensional being locked in the dimension of time.

Bah humbug "locked," limited time sweetens all things, grants urgency, and releases us

from the dogma of the last generation. I'm grateful for the prison, I like it even. Alas -

these lofty thoughts do not improve the quality of my day. For all the stress I can lay on

my sensory filters, they are my filters and they are the predicament of the human

condition. I will attack my boundaries daily, out of a respect for the largeness of life. And,

in parellel I will live within them peaceably with passion.

I will make beautiful things with my hands. Push my body past it's limits until I discover

new ones. I will solve practical problems felt by my co-sojourners (society in general). I

will delight myself in art, the inherent art in creation and the man-made stuff just the

same. I will create love, bask in it's light, and procure deep relationships. I will prime my

sensibilities to generate wisdom and integrity in all circumstances. I will learn - oh God i

will learn! - as much as I possibly can, just for the chance of stumbling upon a gem that I

can give back to all the humans I am standing on the shoulders of. Truly, I am grateful. I

speak a language I didn't invent. Eat food I didn't grow. Wear shoes I didn't design. Read

philosophy I didn't discover. Engage in a pseudo-free society that I didn't go to war for.

Adopt habits that improve my day that I learned from others. Express myself

epigenetically through a structure that has been refined for thousands of years. I stand

on the shoulders of every human to live before me. It is my duty to see what fruit I may

reach with our newfound altitude and to procure a genome, life, and philosophical

momentum to enrich the next generation, whether they are my children or not.

My love for the world exceeds how it confuses me. May it always be so.

I have a meeting starting now.. I will connect with you again soon.

*The purpose of measurement tools is to take something that we can't sense and

represent it in a way that we can sense (language, image, etc).

So if I can't solve for our origin point, can I solve for the symmetry of universal

superstructures and substructures?