understory

The dream of my life

Is to lie down by a slow river

And stare at the light in the trees—

To learn something by being nothing

A little while…

Mary Oliver, Entering the Kingdom

My heart aches again. Deep cries to deep - wanting to be held, knowing it all must float. False senses of being grounded create momentary peace for the mind and future torment for the soul. So I don’t want them. A man of understanding must always avoid such a trapdoor. Long term games only. There is a time for setting the sail and tacking one's way toward a goal, and there is a time for trusting the wind, letting its power prod and guide. Read the skies, dear soul.

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love

For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith

But faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:

So the darkness shall be the light and the stillness the dancing."

Let the winds come and storms blow. May I be an aspen leaf fluttering in unison with the sparkling of the rest of my kind, revealing underbelly, vulnerable in the universal patterns of death & creation. As a grove of aspens flash light and dark greens, top and bottom of leaves in the autumn air flows. Rooted in truth and in oneness - the grove is the atomic unit.

It is a strength to be affected as it is strength for the king to stay in the castle, thought it be under siege. Escape, distraction, and disaffection are the sicknesses. As I fall under the surgeons knife for another extrication, I pray only to be wiser, wholer, deeper. Wholeness over happiness. Depth over surface. Honesty in all. How I do anything is how I do everything and so my small thoughts and choices must hold the shape of my grandest ambitions and notions.

I am in love with here and now. Woo'd by her dancing and lulled by his presence. I waft between melodramatic dreams - that become real because they are held. The world bends to the optimistic disciple in the long term. In the short term they bleed. It's always been this way.

Maturity is the expansion of time horizons and the deepening of the horizon's influence on real-time decision making. Eternity utters a moment. It is a secret shouted in every birdsong and crying newborn. A secret that remains unheard, but never unspoken. These are treasures to bury in the heart. Hidden since the foundation of the world. Few they are who hear. Few they are who do. Carry the torch and the cross, the water and the fire - in your end is your beginning.

It is no weakness to be enchanted. Blessed symmetry. Hopeful clairvoyance. All must exist in imagination before it can touch atoms. One story creates many thoughts. One thought creates many actions. One action moves forward the story. Do not forget your place!!

The reunification of men with their dignity. The re-personification of the poor, weak, and forgotten. Voices for the voiceless. Hope for the hopeless. These are my aims - and I must first be where they've been to meet them where they are. No great leader is foreign to the follower’s scars.

So - here we are.

I have deep care assaulting me on all fronts. To open my eyes is to be loved. Heartbeats synced and hastened. I'm finding all in all. How grateful I am! How lucky I am to know such mysteries! To be touched by such a Mind!

The Mind of God. The coordinative force that is not blind to competition, but transcends and aligns all wills in the fullness of time. Each moment spent in bliss (a more nascent translation of glory) is a deoccupation of time... And so life is already eternal, and each day is already a year, and the world is already within reach and potent for my searching.

In my end is my beginning.

I build as a child with linkin logs. So unaware & innocent. I have to build 5 houses for each to break before I realize the green piece was meant for the roof haha! I love to build in such a way. I love to be built in such a fashion.

I delight in the small and innocuous. I compound toward the large and earth-shaking.

I have a shot at changing the way the world's data is managed in the era when data management is defining the distribution of resources, worlds, and discovery....

May my ambitions never be greater than my humility.

Hem me in and light me ablaze great keeper of truth.

I love you!