ripped, purple notebook from my coat pocket
“Dead zones” where nothing can live because of runoff.
French settled New Orleans, then handed off to spanish.
11/13/22 - The Bayou
Middens - mounds of trash (clam shells and otherwise) as high as 50 ft from American indians who first settled LO.
Jean LaFitte, a French explorer/pirate, made Bataria his kingdom. Smuggling goods.
NoLa is connected to the Missouri, Arkansas, Tennessee, and Mississippi rivers.
Levees, floodwalls and canals keep water out of NoLa, these become compromised sometimes.
There used to be panthers, red wolves, bison, and parakeet down here.
Copperheads are the upland version of the wetland cottonmouth.
People would settle on middens!
LO was the US’s biggest lumber producer in the 19th century, primarily cyprus.
The Spirit and I tell each other secrets.
Mental disorders are the #1 reason for disability in the world. SSRIs handicap part of the brain.
I will be prolific.
11/25 - in East TN
Spent the day with Papa Big and gma Lynn.
The conversations were slow.
Heard lots of stories from them about my dad, and about me.
30 year olds living in broken houses, no one envisioning a life more than 30 miles away, old people who’ve never really left. So many dead dreams. Makes me upset.
It’s different here. Very little real work…. What’s my cookie jar?
I need to run that marathon. I can’t become like these folks. I’m so grateful for my dad. Papa big and Mimi are polar opposites.
Bottlenecks used to be: Compute, data, talent.
Diffusion + LM models = learning to write images.
Moving between structured and unstructured data is a huge deal.
I do what I say I’ll do.
My word is law.
My focus is intense and unwavering.
I have a fire in me that I don’t know what to do with, but I have an intuitive understanding that it is an incredibly precious thing.
We all have the same 24 hours. I’m not proud of how I’ve spent mine lately. The days and months tick by and I slowly become someone I don’t want to be.
You don’t become a better player in the game, you get better in practice. You need a system with edge.
Experienced contrast…
Hot water meets cold, steam erupts. Trader practices at 1.5x, trades at 1x, everything seems slow.
This concept could be much bigger than I originally imagined.
A tightness in the chest. Constant. Warring spirits. I desire the wilderness in the most primordial sense. I desire to enrich the human experience through technology. These selves spar hourly. I wish they’d be in concert with each other, that this tension would dissolve into harmony, instead it created in me an edge. I’m unafraid to throw anything away and that is terrifying.
There’s much I wish to prove to myself. My dreams have become so harrowing, I wish not to even say them to myself. Instead they grow in the recesses of my conscience. They increase until they spill over and push me to do something outrageous and brave.
I lust for the wild because it feels more aligned with my internal experience than civilization. It is volatile and unpredictable, full of violence and every ancient thing.
It is so familiar in that sense. I don’t feel good, I feel elated. I don’t bummed, I feel depressed, teetering on the edge. I don’t feel apathy, I feel utter nihilism.
This reminds me of the mountains, where death and summit are inches apart. Where volatility of spirit, risk, and elevation satiate the pallet.
In civilization, internal and external mismatch creates arrogance. One decides they are different than everyone else. In the wild, this mismatch is turned to congruence and one is either humbled or perishes. The land makes it known we are but visitors of the volatile deepness I’ve described and reminds us of our heritage.
We are cut from the same cloth as the mountains. Subject to the same cycles and environmental conditions, but one of us reeks of sweet impermanence and it isn’t the mountains. Praise God.
I have yet to posses a feeling of belonging, particularly where I relate to my fellow sojourners.
Talking about doing something and doing something vie for the same resources. Allocate accordingly.
One doesn’t need time to make decisions. One needs information.
“The enzyme of reason.”
12/25 - Portland
Submerged by the holidays, can’t really..
I love you Lord. Help me grow in honest dependence on you. Do not forsake me. Increase my patience and integrity. Help me love those around me well. Help me understand how I can serve. Increase in me a heart of a servant oh Lord… Please Lord Jesus.
Made it to Salt Lake.
The private life has been sacrificed to the social life. As all things have become public, all things have built potential competitive energy. One must now fight to maintain inner life. Much of the inner workings of myself are not ready to share, so instead I would refashion these things to fit my desired image, then distribute. How has the digital public life affected the inner lives and in-person interactions of my friends?
All becomes a campaign. Engaging the ego while starving the muse. I like calling romantic interest muses, it really fits.
I will build a good life here. Strong momentum to launch me to NY.
I wonder about the character of this city.
How long must I walk to begin noticing the tress again?
Public libraries are incredible. So many resources available to everyone!
I admire the family at the library beholding the free gallery together.
What love is in me to give! What a deep, deep love it is!
How much do people perform for each other… Social media is less communication than performance.
I’m easily enchanted. The glance of a pretty woman, the smell of wet pine, the concept of a contrary reality…. Often enchanted, I subconsciously deploy all my mental free power to convince myself out of the trance. But I love being lost! Doesn’t matter what in, as long as it’s something beautiful.
This is the first time humanity has had this many old people living. Life expectancy was between 30-40 years pre-WW2.
“Don’t read the book, read your soul.” - Emerson on the Bible
“The purpose of a human life is to bring the irrational beginning of a human life to a rational beginning.” - Henry George, change the set of your sail
I am anxious for my generation. How can we stand firm in the sea of potential addictions?
“We are determined to be starving before we are hungry.” - Thoreau
The next few entries are reviews of movies I watched at Sundance.
1/21/23 - Magazine Dreams
Shot in 24 days.
The movie was fascinating. A mental journey of a young man in bodybuilding. It depicted a very masculine struggle. One in which the good guy won. It reminded me of Fred. It was intense, rich in morbid truth. A reminder of the silent, ignored man who works hard to be feared, but really wants anything but to be feared. Poor mental health is a self-perpetuating cycle. I didn’t quite fathom the ending. It seemed like it missed a piece, as if a character resolution occurred off-screen. It was very human. I wasn’t perfect but the lead actor did an incredible job. I’d like for my dad to watch it.
(the people at this festival are quite eclectic, I love it)
I wish to create art like that. Wholehearted.
I like this festival, as pompous as it seems.
Thoreau was right that one becomes rich with much sacrifices their desires to give their children an intellectual life. Is that the next step for humanity?
1/22/23 - A Still Small Voice
The movie was moving. I cried multiple times. It spoke to the depth and fractalization of the human experience. I found it striking how many would form their worldview around their hospital experience.
We have centralized most of our most intimate moments in experience with death and life to the hospital. One must witness miracle on miracle working there.
I kept thinking of Gretchen. Empathy can handicap ones career longevity in the hospital. To sit with the dying and the living in the raw moments. To watch how stress fragments the personality. What a gift to get an intimate view into that life. Chaplains are heroes.
Wind rider institute - riding the ruach, breath of creation.
Start with the film and work it back to your context, your heart, etc.
CEO of Adobe - “I watch 30 films at Sundance, its how I stay up to date on whats going on in the world.”
15K films submitted to Sundance each year. Staying at John Priddy’s home.
Interesting short films. Themes: adolescence, women breaking into the chef scene, food industry not supporting women at all..
Ben Proudfoot.
Decision making velocity in directors. They need to know exactly what they want and make decisions quickly.
Drift - 1/23/23
A meta-dialogue on the development of deep relations, of the immigrant spirit, and the variety and unassuming nature of commonplace individuals. What an emotionally rich film. Nudity, but in no way gratuitous. Honest. A landscape of voices and characters, places and frames laying out the essence of a convicting character.
A focused lens on caring. Inspirational and so full of the human experience. I cried multiple times. The performance of the lead actress was so compelling. I’m moved beyond words. The narrative was slow but rich, steady and deep. A study of common interaction. What a moving film. The grit of the main character I strongly relate to.
The ending feels consummate and not shy. It doesn’t leave you needing more. I couldn’t imagine anything less. Incredible.
Copper is the backing for a lot of loans in China. 1 of 2 smelters is in SLC. Australian company owns the mine. We produce 20% of our copper being used.
“We’re caught in the present these days, we have no sense of history.”
“If you’re young and not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.”
There are no rites of passage these days.
Upper Exxiom - Grand Teton - I’m coming for you.
I want to live with a constant sense of history.
Purchasing and consuming are the ritual traditions of the US.
The spirit of the flesh preys on the readiness of the body.
I can become anybody that I can conceive of. Plan the work, work the plan. I have more than enough energy, will, and time to create the life that I wish. I can solve any problem.
Each day is a battle. A confrontation with the Resistance.
This Thai place put a flower in my food, it’s beautiful!
You have nothing to create; you merely need to dig and refine what’s been buried inside you all along
“Only when a man lowers himself to the state of an animal does death and suffering scare him.” - henri frederic amiel
The integrity of the upright guides them - prov 11:3
Self-optimization is reductionist, it limits you from living from your roots.
A dull pick striking the same rock over and over. It never breaks. It never cracks. It hardly even moves.
Torment for the miner. He should move on shouldn’t he? If he’s honest, he doesn’t even like mining! But he’s already struck this rock 2,432 times, who could blame him for taking 2 more swings….
Move on! If it’s not for you it’s not for you!
Right calling, wrong time is simply wrong calling.
Move on. Your soul has collected dust. It’s about time you shook it out and wore it again.
In the age where keystrokes birth empire, kings are in low supply. Noble men. A distinct missing character in the 21st century mania.
Hospitality. The practice of giving home. It holds the power to heal all human wounds. What a wondrous thing to behold when a tense enigma of trauma is unraveled by the love displayed around a table or a campfire.
Growing out of touch with what matters…
Be engaged! Do not let another day pass without thanking God for the air!
I bounce back.
Try to force me down, I dare you.
Can’t assume anything - how debilitating!
I’m suspicious of how easily I could be convinced and committed to Christianity. Family, social circle, national culture, and respectableness..
What is true? 100% true? How do these things work? How does the universe come together?
The Christian life certainly is a good one. It feels nice to be in loving community, have weekly rituals to get together, to belong in a similar value structure, etc. Makes me feel really good. Completely pleasant experience.
How should I approach thinking about this? Things seems to be conspicuously ordered. Ordered according to how my senses experience them at least…. Which would be a strong indication of a human focused creator - optimizing creation for humans.
The alternative would be that we uniquely subdued creation, which would speak to our incredible nature and potential than the nature of the rest of the world. It’s important to me to keep my mom happy, but I also want to be loved in reality. To be a first principles thinker I need to revisit first principles and learn them deeply.
Scraping the human corpus of knowledge for the things that we know for sure.
I want to immerse myself in the things I don’t understand. What would I like to do? How can I avoid predatory systems, habits, and desires in order to achieve these things.
I will live my life in reality or in delusion completely. I will not half-ass it. This is by definition an existential matter.
2/19/23 - Angel’s Rest summit, Zion
Breathe deep.
The small things form in the same way as the big things.
I love you.
2/19 still.
Can’t sleep. Thinking about all the ways life could go. Feel like a pinball.
Julia is visiting me, what if she likes me what will I do?
I have my dreams. Many I don’t want to give up this early.
I’m overthinking it.
There are emergent systems that are the meta governing mechanisms that organize (see as I’m personifying it) the world. A sub-sub-sub-set of these systems are the human systems. Social sciences, essentially the study of man made things.
Is macro-biology a discipline? Cosmology almost seems religious.
Real economy (productivity) -> Money economy (profits)
Economy of spirit (character) -> economy of emotion (experience.
Think about the reward systems.
A brand, but its whole thing is that it’s not a brand.
Buffeted by a soulful giggle
Though I didn’t hear what you said
Ambivalence, but with gusto
Let’s not pretend to control the wind.
Admiration, not possession, my dear.
Vertigo doesn’t play favorites.
Internal flight,
is it a grounding or a liftoff?
Bold women,
three generations deep.
Epigenetic momentum,
soon a quantum leap.
I love this delusion,
the one with the soft edges.
Weekending on Wednesday
What is man less suffering?
Woman less agency?
Formless and void,
entropic heritage.
Happiness less wholeness?
Family less culture?
Form without function,
clouds without rain.
Disregard questions and summits,
soul hides in what’s opened.
A blank calendar births the sun,
and reddens my hair.
It won’t be abrupt if seen coming,
let’s close out eyes again.
Beauty blinds the beholder,
sight be damned.
The snow kept eating my words,
still you listened -
and stayed as I picked at my
existential scabs,
rummaged for words,
and found attentive turquoise eyes.
Scattering dreams like seeds,
I fear I’ve overwhelmed the soil.
Maybe it’s the thorns,
plaguing the flower bed,
scratching the tape,
old, old thorns.
Faith choked from the mustard seed,
do mountains still move?
Church is on the third floor
doesn’t matter what you wear
friendship looks stunning on you.
Salt and reflections
Jazz and soda
cold feet
contours of time lived in.
One of many.
Still: one
Ease
sweetness
beauty.
Disarmed, guard lowered
with the sun
Saul Steinberg - penman. Youthful - poor in means, rich in spirit.
Pluralist ignorance: No one believes, but everyone thinks that everyone believes.
Much scarier than the small number of evil people in the world are the large number that will fall in line with whatever’s fashionable.
Beethoven wasn’t trained or taught by a pianist.
Self prompting exercise:
I have unlimited willpower
I am capable of being the most creative person in the world
I do hard things and enjoy it
I can conquer any and all distractions
I do not need anything more than I have, I could do with much less.
I care deeply about the wellbeing of everyone I engage with.
I can help humanity thrive.
I am infinitely resilient because I have infinite peace.
Objective reality is not defined by my senses or semantics, it simply is. How I feel has to do with who I am.
I have an infinite capacity for love
I can bear more pain, sadness, and hardship than I could yesterday.
I am unafraid to kill the old Joe to birth a new Joe.
I am not needed, but I am here, that is enough.
I am no the thinker of my thoughts, I am the observer.
I’m a speck on a rock hurtling through space.
I will die. It makes everything sweeter.
I am not interested in lying, cheating, gossiping, being lazy, angry, complacent, or reducing my level of integrity, honor, or courage.
I am capable of being the smartest person ever.
I can endure all things.
I can take NVIDIA to the next level as a company.
I have an endless ability to focus.
Taoism is the religion of flow.
Practice the macro in the micro.
You cultivate your character to compensate for you personality defects.
Make space for the jazz.
Your mother religion is like your mother tongue.
“An ecology of practices.”
You use your intelligence to solve problems, but you use rationality and wisdom to deal with the self deception that emerges out of intelligent problem solving. Constellated self-deception creates self-prisms around adaptive parasite systems.
Combine your fascinations.
The day the subway smelled like merengue.
May curiosity never leave me, my soul may dry up.
The Met:
Scarabs, dung beetles, were imagined to push the sun into the sky (the same way they push dung).
Kheperi = rising sun, kheperer = dung beetle
Common diet in Egypt: bread, fruit, beer, vegetables, fish
Egyptians loved board games. The game of twenty.
Navajo - cultural weaving - art to perpetuate the gift of the holy deity Spider Woman, who taught them to weave.
Nomadic indian tribes, in pursuit of the buffalo. The loss of the buffalo in the 1870s destroyed plains-indian economies, leaving them in reservations.
Dai Xi - hanging scrolls.
Frank Lloyd Wright was hard to work with. Wanted control.
Weapons used to be art.
“The Nine Worthies” - heroic figures who were seen as paradigms of chivalric behavior.
Rapiers were citizen weaponry.
Carrying a weapon with civilian dress became commonplace. Fencing became a necessary part of noble education. Parrying daggers.
Mongolian religion? Jainism?
Lacquer - purified tree sap. Black unless mixed with cinnabar. Used in CN and east asia.
Albert Bierstadt - wind river range
Winslow howw, 1836-1910, the ocean
John Singer Sargent - The hermit
Silk road spread music.
Quantum mechanics and space-time are derivatives of a more primitive structure.
Quantum mechanics + spacetime = quantum field theory
Without gravity, there aren’t any boundaries in probing smaller and smaller amounts of space. With gravity, pumping increasing amounts of energy into decreasing amounts of space eventually produces a black hole. Escape velocity > speed of light = black hole.
In an exapanding universe, everything dilutes.
Red shift/blue shift?
Humans are roughly N^30 atoms.
1/Sq root of N = error rate in calculating probability, root of all statistical errors.
Quarks + gluons = protons.
Feynman helped us understand how to think about collision of elementary particles.
QM + spacetime have been made manifest in very simple equations. This begs the question that there is a greater structure(s) that can produce these equations.
The current thing carries clues of the next level of understanding, but to get there the current things need to be deeply rotated.
QM -> emergent space.
What is the Q to which A is the answer?
Newtonian determinism.
Locality = Crossing cords of poles are not allowed
Unitary = what are the amplitudinal info in the cord
There are primitive kinematic spatial structures that simply express QM and spacetime.
Understand the complex to be able to ask the simple questions.
Fractional reserves didn’t make societies rich, but made them think they were rich by borrowing from the future.
Self perception = reality. You don’t get pronouns in the same way you don’t get adjectives.
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
Distraction
Traction
Action
Arguing in 2D about 3D issues.
Distribution should be part of product design - Thiel
You can’t outrun your demons.
I don’t stop when I’m tired, I stop when I’m done.
Anything can be a teacher if you humble yourself to the role of the student.
August 19th is a trail run marathon in red lodge. I’m going to do it.
If you’re going to eat shit, don’t nibble.
How I do today affects how I’ll feel tomorrow.
Seeing the frame accurately and seeing accurately through the frame are 2 different skills.
Great coaches will leave you feeling like you were never coached.
Establish insight before oversight.
I feel like I’ve lost core components of myself…
How come I can’t remember truth?
Lifting is to athletics as masturbation is to sex.
Be the person who tries harder, loves stronger, and gives more a shit than all the half-alive people around you.
No being a bitch.
My word is law. I do what I say I’ll do.
Our lives can be changed. Truth can’t be changed.
Use difficulty as a measure of progress.
You learn by doing things. You must be immersed and focused. Being disciplined and excited at the same time.
“Walking in the air” playing in the background. Kava flowing into the bloodstream. I love this song.
I must take my education so seriously that it becomes emotional. I feel things over my education. It is simply important to know.
As you mature intellectually, you find yourself much less concerned with the answers and much more concerned with the questions.
The universe is the answer. What are the questions? Consciousness is the answer, what are the questions?
Wow kava unlocks something.
Living at the edge of myself. I don’t want to be anywhere else.
I’m so grateful for life. What a miraculous occurrence.
Psychedelic art fascinates me. I want walls. Big walls. To cover in art - art from all corners of the world, representations of humanity.
How do you make kava? Someone here just mentioned a secret service in the basement? I do plan to do psychedelics while in SF.
Who’s the one that got away after all? Creating more than I consume. How do I get there. Living from source.
If the world is a representation limited by my senses - how can I pretend to know what I’m doing! It makes sense for there to be a Creator. Hard to believe there wasn’t an establisher of the systems we live within.
There are varying levels of awareness. I’m so tired of “knowing things.” What do I know and how? Do humans need to believe something?
What is comfort but living in the grey? Equilibrium is the place where nothing changes. Actively practicing balance looks like transcending equilibrium and mastering the art of counterbalance, surf the contours of change.
Slumber will clothe you with rags.
Seances - talking to the dead.
Americans - religion is a system for problem solving.
Familiarity is not truth.
Follow that magnetic thread.
The occult was the US’s first religious export.
I have nothing to say.
I hate finishing a day that wasn’t lived to its potential.
Throwing food in the trash.
Someone else would’ve made use of it.
They probably even need it.
I wish I was someone else.
Do I?
4 Main Theories:
Theory of Evolution
Theory of Knowledge (pauper)
Quantum Theory
Theory of Computation
Epistemology - how knowledge grows.
Scientific knowledge is full of theories, our job is to turn over those theories. New knowledge must contradict old knowledge.
“There is no such thing as the scientific method.”
Knowledge begins with a problem that is addresses via conjecture.
If we only have one thing, we will write off individual violations as error, apparatus failure, etc.
Innovation needs exploration apparati.
It’s all theory.
Without 2 good explanations, the rational thing to do is to write off every violation. You can’t understand animal rights until understanding info theory and how it relates to the world.
Everett developed the theory, but Schroedinger knocked over the first few dominoes.
Consciousness collapses the wave function.
Deus ex Machina - God resolving the unresolvable. Supernatural as an explanation.
“Nothing can be done” and “everything will be fine.” both give license to be complacent.
There are trillions of ways to be wrong, few to be right.
Constitution is a theory for how humans should interact. What wrong ideas are directionally accurate?
Crippling an AGI won’t slow them, shouldn’t cage AGI. Turing thought AGI would be done by 2000.
Conflict and settling between theories. What we know of the universe is the past. Hierarchical rule: Massively energetic things effect small energetic things, but it’s not proportional the other way around.
Life disrupts this. One molecule that mutated oxygen photosynthesis. Knowledge causes itself to be replicated because it’s useful.
Truth is what perpetually exists across the multiverse (?).
The set of all transformations you can bring about = wealth.
Ideas can convert anything into a resource. Things with more knowledge/meaning in the long run will dominate the less knowledgable/meaningful.
Be the type of person on which nothing is lost.
Practical knowledge is the ultimate commodity that will yield lifelong dividends.
Find a mentor and have something to offer them.
Move toward things that challenge you and will give you objective feedback.
I’m very conflicted and a bit sad. I’m seriously questioning my faith. Mostly off of intuition, but there are some tangible things.
There are so many ways to keep busy… so so many.. I’ve certainly found mine. What’s the purpose of this whole thing?
Preserving and advancing consciousness? Living within the mystery of why we’re here.
We distract ourselves and can create quite meaningful lives out of satisfying and pursuing our needs. Physical, spiritual, emotional. Play within our own little cosmoses.. doing what feels good and/or right.
Giving to others, improving the lives of others, recognizing the nature of creation.. That feels objectively noble.
The danger is devolving into a caricature of yourself.
Prying my fingers off of religion slowly. Finding myself in a void. It doesn’t even feel freeing, just damning so far.
I’m not worried. This is part of the path.
Have I really had supernatural experiences? Or did I just spiritualize experiences due to social incentives and pressures?
How can I bear these questions well this weekend - what are the appropriate next steps to explore? Read and engage in different communities I suppose.
It’s true that community holds a lot of sway over whether something is believable or not. There’s no lecture or doctrine quite as convincing as the gaze of a believer. Not to mention participating in a ritual surrounded by zealots. What’s the difference between mythology and religion again?
I’m so grateful! Food.
We’re caught up in all the animal games. We’re obviously built for them.
Funny how new hierarchies are introduced and people learn to play within them and derive so much meaning just by growing in status and reaching higher positions than others.
Moses said to God “where can I find you?” God said “If you are looking for me, you have already found me.” Seeking God with your soul is a process with limitless sides and aspects.
Develop the highest standards and the patience for the step-by-step process. Ramachandran and Rachael Gregory mentorship.
You can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself. - Leonardo da Vinci
Everything you do, no matter how menial, offers opportunity to observe the world at world. No detail is too trivial. Everything sensed is a sign for you to decode.
Curiosity lights the world ablaze for the viewer. All is animated by the magnificent, mysterious, and intriguing. Sink your teeth once again Joe into the fruit of knowledge. It’s not self-aggrandization… It’s the magnification of the incredible micro-structures holding together and actualizing the human experience.
New capability development and degrees of alignment are not orthogonal vectors. There will be jail breaks for a long time.
Qohelet 5:1-2
“Be not rush with your mouth and let your heart not hurry to utter a word before God. For God is in the heavens and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business and a fool’s voice with much talk.”
My heart is a muddy puddle.
People keep stepping in me.
Sediment can’t settle.
I can’t get a clear look to see
if I’m okay or not.
So thank you, dear one, for
asking how I’m doing,
but please never ever
ask again.
good morning!
what a beautiful day.
this is incredible isn’t it?
This lady I’m sharing an airbnb with just set the kitchen on fire. All taken care of now, how funny!
Mom taking picture of baby daughter watching a plane land. Father taking a video of mom taking picture. Son wanting to be like parents takes picture of plane
As society scales, learns more, and can support more and more specialists, humans will get better and better at things like golf, chess, rock climbing, etc. There will be more demand and incentive for entertainment as more work gets automated, additionally the leisure activities will reach new levels of performance as more specialists will be produced to support/train the athlete/entertainers.
If the cost of energy decreases to close to zerio then the cost of compute will decrease. If AI can write better SW than humans with a deeper understanding of integration across the tech stack, then SW moats will only exist inasmuch as humans want/use them. UIs as a moat.
4/9 - feelings for Julia may be coming back. I’m not upset about it. It's a different type of feeling toward her than in the past.
The amount of sleep that makes my eye twitch,
the shade of green that you can smell,
friends that make your chest warm,
goodbyes that remind me how long it's been since I’ve wept.
Rocks in my gut over my youngest siblings.
Who will they be the next time I see them?
And how will I learn them again?
Grateful, humbled, and lost.
This is Portland to me.
A brief, passing moment of clarity.
4/10 - on the flight “home”
I can get any experience that wealth could get me without the money, wealth just creates the illusion of control.
Nonverbal communication with my lover,
some things too sweet for words.
In love with god alone.
Awareness + acceptance
Experience + reflection
derivatives of the wisdom equation.
4/12 - Just saw a mama duck with a trail of chicks cross the road. A car careened toward them and stopped just in time… That moment of holding my breath, anticipating to see death and the ruin of something innocent, is all too familiar. Frankly I’m surprised how familiar. Felt like the moment before a risky question, the moment after a too-forward text, or when you watch a child sin.